Check Please!

At this actual time, September 2015, while I’m not quite sure of the plan from here other than my Herceptin in infusions having just ended I am due for my first mammogram post-cancer. From what I understand (and remember) they had to wait six months after radiation so that everything would be less inflamed and more “new” normal. I’m writing this as I sit and wait to go for the test this afternoon. I am quite literally a nervous nauseous mess.

When I had to call and schedule the test, probably four months ago and maybe even longer, I felt sick to my stomach. Now I just have this pit for the last few days. Every once in a while I have that stomach dropping can’t breath feeling like something really terrible happened and then relax and calm myself and get back to normal. That was not helpful yesterday while I was here alone, except for the dog, working and unable to get that back part of my mined off of this sinking feeling of what I had to wait for today.

Let me tell you what else didn’t help. Texting That Guy yesterday that I was freaking out, receiving no response, only to question him about it later, and be told he had no idea what I was talking about. Yeah, definitely shouldn’t ask then. So I told him and he was like, oh is that tomorrow? Um yeah and you are supposed to go with me remember? Ugh. See, he’s good, but he is also just fried. Or at least that is the excuse he is going with and I would like to believe that rather than he just does not care.

When I did schedule the test I intentionally chose a day I was not scheduled to work. Thinking I wouldn’t be able to concentrate if I were working. Probably true but I am not sure that this situation is any better. In another perfect storm of events, I find myself alone with That Baby for most of the day. That Little Girl is at school and my parents are otherwise busy. In one way it is great because we never get that time together. In another way it is a bit nerve wracking since she can’t exactly talk to me about it. All in all better than being here alone because I would seriously consider having a few drinks right before going for the test and that probably isn’t a good plan.

So far this morning, I have spent quite a bit of time picking up and straightening the house. Now that there is a nap in progress I’m sitting still, but at least I found a chance to blog.

I can’t help but think of all the worst case scenarios that might come out of today, but yet I don’t really believe they will. They just can’t. We are literally just getting back to being a nearly normal family. Or at least as normal as That Family will ever be. We have fun things planned. We are finally getting out to do things and see people.

So a few hours left to sit and wait. And luckily, from what I understand, they will read the results immediately while I am there. If not they will have a squatter until they agree to do so!

For everyone who saw this on my personal Facebook page, thank you for your well wishes, prayers, vibes, crossed fingers, and love. Definitely helpful to see overnight since I was up several times.