I Sense a Theme

So I recently posted on twitter that I am trying to add running to my activity options. I was pretty excited to have gone out and run in some humid weather and made it through. I use the Couch to 5K program (I use the app on my phone) and this is not my first time through the program. In the past I have been a spring and fall runner enjoying the perfect weather to do so, and always finding something else to do when it gets to be all weather extreme-y hot and freezing cold. There is a local race in Pink-tober that I walked years ago with a friend. Every year since, I would think about running it. This year, I have decided I really need to shut up and do it. Well, technically, I don’t think I ever said it aloud to anyone, so maybe it is stop thinking and do?

While That Guy and I were away I went from making excuses to making a playlist. Then I went for my first “run”. I was just going around our neighborhood and headphone free. And then it all started. One right after another. Rump Shaker. Shake What Your Mama Gave You. Baby Got Back. Money Maker. I Got It from My Mama.

I am subliminally trying giving my not so tiny heinie an eviction notice and dedicating the soundtrack to it’s memory apparently!

And my playlist default songs might need some freshening up.

The good news is I have two whole runs finished and I decided to ask a few friends (and my mom) to run with me so that I have the accountability to just do it this year.

Let’s hear some good running songs from you all! Pretty please!

Then Everything Went to Crap

(I just couldn’t resist some potty humor. I apologize!)

When I last posted about my experience going through treatment for breast cancer, I hinted that my stomach was starting to be an issue. As I said, we were going into a lot of celebratory events and I was pretty much in a pattern of knowing when I needed to be, shall we say, close to home.

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Flashbacks for a Friday

A year ago, a lot of things were happening. All at once. That Baby had been born, but we were just starting the testing and treatments portion of our experience. When I think back to how things were a year ago, I can not even believe what desperation and sadness I was feeling with a newborn when I should have been snuggling and happy and sleep deprived from her, not worry and anxiety. Instead of the joy, I was Holding my Baby and Holding my Breath. If you want to go back to the beginning, here is my very first post or you can always go to the Starting Line page.

Wacky Wednesday – Peonies and Flower Picking

I absolutely love planting flowers each spring. The weeding and mulching, I could do without, but one of those two That Guy is willing to help with so it all works out in the end. My favorite time of year is when my peonies bloom. I planted the bushes the year we were married since they were part of my wedding bouquet. As we are married longer, the bushes mature and each year there are more and more blooms. I will be sad to leave them behind when we do move eventually, but I kind of have hopes that I can take them with us somehow and then add to them in a new home.

Not this year, but in the past, I have talked up the peony blooms to That Little Girl. It got to the point that she was asking when the “panties” were going to pop open. It took a little bit, but she eventually started calling them peonies.

She is the best little helper when I am out planting flowers. The first time I was out this year, she was raking up the leaves and junk that I was pulling out of the flower beds. She would make me piles of what I threw on the patio and sidewalk to make it easier to clean up. Of course, she then asked to be rewarded with her very own first frappuccino! She loved her strawberry (no caffeine) treat and I was thankful they have a teeny tiny size for summer. Luckily she understands it is a very once in a while/lifetime treat. She worked her little tushie off that day! And since I still tire easily, I will take all the help I can get. And then I will rest after doing next to nothing compared to what I could accomplish in the past. So this spring all the work has taken a lot longer than usual and I am still not done.

Another day, she was not feeling well and I was out planting flowers on my own most of the time. I find planting the actual flowers goes really quickly once all the crap work is done. So wish it were the other way around! The actual planting is the fun part! Anyway, a few days later That Guy was outside with That Little Girl in the evening and I was out with a friend. He turned his back and That Little Girl decided to pick some flowers. But instead of picking flowers that are to be picked she pulled up entire plants. Then when I got home she scolded me for not digging deep enough holes without her help. The next time I went out she insisted on digging the holes for me. Since we aren’t suppose to call little girls bossy, I will just point out that she has amazing leadership skills!

Now we are entering the weeks of peony and rose blooms. I am terrified to turn my back and find them all picked bare and hacked to pieces!

Lesson Learned… Again

My long term treatment plan has been up in the air. There are constantly new studies released and every nuance makes a difference for what determines each person’s set plan. Literally for the last five months the plan that they said was the absolute best a year ago, was now up in the air and open for interpretation and discussion, oh so much discussion!

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One Year

One really fast yet never ending all at once horrible yet uplifting while surrounded my love and support and definitely insightful year where I learned a lot about myself. One year ago, I was told it would be one really horrible year, but I would get through it. It was horrible, and it was so many other things at the same time. She was right. I got through it. We lost one before he even knew it had started and gained one right behind that when she was born into the crazy only to be the most peaceful of us all. One really crazy year. My thoughts approaching this day are a jumbled overwhelming combination of gratitude, sadness, disbelief, anger, love, frustration, pride and so many things I am working to identify. I don’t even know what to call the day. I have heard cancer-versary, life day, and just THE day. I’ve just been calling it the one year since official diagnosis day since they really told me at the ultrasound/biopsy anyway two days prior.

At some point I will share how we mark this milestone. There is not going to be a party as was suggested at the start of all this. Seems weird to throw a party to celebrate myself, ha! Keeping my girls and the rest of my family close to my side and doing a few of my favorite things. Hopefully they hug me a lot and my girls give me lots of snuggles.

Do Your Job

As anyone who has dealt with their own or a loved ones medical emergency can attest to, sometimes you feel like your job is to make sure other people do their job. There were days I seriously just wanted to scream DO YOUR JOB so I didn’t have to. I have said that I was provided a nurse navigator through my health network system. There were times I could not imagine navigating this process without her. Once the process kept going, she was sort of a last resort to get done what I needed to when I was not able to get things moving. If you don’t have a navigator, as most people do not even though they are becoming more prominent in this sort of setting, it all falls on you and can be even more frustrating. This is where having a notebook, a planner, and a support system buddy at your appointments can really be helpful. You will need to be your own advocate and push people to get done what you need to in whatever time frame is necessary in your situation.

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Slightly Less Than Smooth Sailing

About half way through the Taxol, Perjeta, and Herceptin routine, things started to go slightly less than smoothly. I had some issues with my stomach, a rash, and I was getting more tired each time. Unlike the first set of drugs, these were hitting me each and every week with no time to bounce back. Good for getting the job done I suppose, but not so good for rest and relaxation. And to top it off, we were heading into the holidays. Overall, though, not too bad compared to what I hear from other patients’ experiences.

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Say Anything

So, I’ve been trying to figure out how to write a post about what to say to or how to support someone who is going through cancer, or any medical crisis really. Every time I try to write it, it comes off as really mean and ungrateful. That Guy is blunt about this. There really isn’t a nice way to give specific examples of things said or people who have disappointed me without potentially hurting someone’s feelings or sounding like one of those annoying vague Facebook posts. That is not my intention.

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I’m Wigged Out

In the last month, through a series of events and slightly warmer weather, I have been leaving the house wig and hat free, much more often. I have gone to medical appointments without anything, which I think I mentioned. Since the SVC Syndrome “incident” I started going to appointments without, since some people theorized that my make-up and wig actually prohibited the doctors from seeing my changing coloring, puffiness, etc. And really, sometimes it is just much more comfortable to not have a wig and hair in my face. I can’t do a ponytail so going bare headed or a warm fuzzy cap in the winter was my next best option.

Now that my hair is coming back I am trying to figure out when I’m comfortable enough that this wig stuff can go. I’m also having all sorts of dreams about my hair. One night I had a dream it literally grew back overnight. That was a disappointing wake up call! Another night, I had a dream this short stuff was falling out again. I am happy to say I have given it a little tug and fortunately it was just a dream. So I guess now that a lot of the “big” stuff is settling down, my brain is having time to worry about the more superficial aspects of what my body has been through as a result of having breast cancer.

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