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Say Anything

So, I’ve been trying to figure out how to write a post about what to say to or how to support someone who is going through cancer, or any medical crisis really. Every time I try to write it, it comes off as really mean and ungrateful. That Guy is blunt about this. There really isn’t a nice way to give specific examples of things said or people who have disappointed me without potentially hurting someone’s feelings or sounding like one of those annoying vague Facebook posts. That is not my intention.

My intention is to just say, “Hey, I would have no idea what to say to someone like myself. I probably said the exact wrong thing in a million similar circumstances. Wow. It is really easy to do unintentionally. Having been there now, there are some things that really struck me as hurtful.” In the end though, saying something and being by my side is still the right thing to do for those who are able. Not everyone is able either due to personal circumstances or their own emotional reasons they just can’t face it. I get it. I didn’t want to bring anyone down when down is where I already was at the time.

I am lucky to have had so many amazing people in my life who knew, much better than I would have, what to say. This may be the worst explanation, but I feel like people who do well at funerals, those who put their own emotions aside and worry about the comfort of those they are trying to support in the same way you do when someone passes, have really been the most respectful and appreciated. Complementing my grace instead of strength, for example. I would like to think that we are all as strong as we are able when put in my circumstances. Being graceful is a bit more elegant way of saying it maybe without blaming the patient. And sometimes strong isn’t good enough, then what happens to those people. Would they have beaten cancer with their strength. I even recently had a doctor tell me that his wife would have never done such and such, and I must be tough to even consider it. It is really hard to presume how you would react yourself, let alone predict how someone else might react, in any different situation.

So as I have been drafting, trashing, rewriting, and stewing about how to say this the right way, someone else went ahead and did it for me. Definitely worth checking out! I did get comments similar to each and everyone of these and on any given day it may have hit me differently depending how I was feeling physically and emotionally.

Hope you all still love me!

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