Two Years

So as I mark two years since my cancer diagnosis, unlike last year, we really don’t have any plans. I’m not sure how that happened. I mentioned my desire to make a trip to New York City a tradition, but was met with some resistance from my mom and That Guy. We were all there recently for That Little Girl’s birthday and it does make for a long day. So I asked That Guy to plan something nice for the two of us to do for a day since it wouldn’t take up anyone else’s time. We were met with a lack of child care. So then I decided to just get outside and plant some of my flowers. Maybe even read in the sun when I took a break. And just like the last few weekends we are expecting rainy dreary weather. Or maybe I should just blog all day? Be selfish with my time and do all those things I enjoy but don’t have the time to do. Gardening is one of those, reading another, a long walk, blogging, knitting, printing photos for My Girls Disney albums (someday I can blog about that amazing trip), and dividing up a year’s worth of school, dance, family, and soccer pictures. Let’s be honest though, I would just end up holed up in our room watching Bravo.

So I’m left with nothing to keep me busy and help me try to turn my frown upside down. I am left with a lot of time to ponder.

Right now I’m stuck on if this two years means anything. For example, I get anxious when iI feel a twinge in my affected breast. When will I stop being so jumpy? Yes, its happening on and off. Yes, i’ve told several doctors. Yes, it’s fine. But still. There is the five years everyone talks about. I mean, five years is not a guarantee but it’s a milestone. When does that clock start exactly? At diagnosis? At the end of treatment? At surgery when it was confirmed dead? When chemo killed that final last cell?

I need answers!

And I really needed a day to not spend thinking about it all. Off to make the best of the weekend!