Final Countdown to That Baby

See how we got here buy a hair or start at the beginning.

Now that we had an induction date and a wig picked out, we spent the weekend preparing for That Baby girl to arrive. Friends near and far had sent us things to let us know that they were thinking of us! We had a weekend with a fresh flower delivery, a fruit arrangement, food to stock our freezer, and cupcakes!

Peony delivery from a friend across the country!

That Guy dug through the basement for all those baby things that get put away as you finish with them, but are largely unable to be found when you do need them again. Bottles got sterilized. Baby clothes were washed in Dreft. I planted my long ago bought flowers into the flower pots and my parents planted my flower beds. Even my peony bushes started to bloom. Things seemed pretty normal on the outside.

As you can see by the partially empty sticks, it did not take us long to dig in!

The most important part of our weekend was telling That Little Girl. She had been asking for weeks, months even, how long until That Baby would be here. Suddenly, we had an expected number and it was one she could easily understand was soon. We explained the good to her, baby would be here. Then we explained that the immediate special delivery came with some bad news, too. “Mommy is sick, but the doctors are already working hard to help me get well again,” we said. We explained that I would lose my hair. We explained that I would be at the doctors a lot, that That Guy would be with me often, but no matter what, we love her. We explained that since we wouldn’t always be around, all the people who love That Family most would be here to help. “How cool is that? Not just family, but friends. Friends who love you just like family. They are going to take care of you and play with you, because they love you that much, and they know when mommy and daddy need help to make sure you are ok, too,” we said. That Little Girl really thought this was great! I’m fairly certain it wasn’t visions of sugar plums, but visions of all our nearest and dearest in her dress up clothes playing Legos, coloring, and playing in the dollhouse dancing through her head. She didn’t ask a lot of questions that day about it. She just listened and took it all in. That Little Girl is a sponge with a vault like memory. We explained I would also be home with That Baby and herself through the summer, and now a little longer, since the doctors would be taking care of me. With school having just ended, That Little Girl’s routine was going to be turned upside down. And this was just the beginning.

Over the course of the week prior, my grandfather had gone downhill. It was not good. We were told it was a matter of time. I couldn’t go see him and risk getting sick. It was more than anyone could believe could be happening if they knew. As a whole, our family had literally circled around each other. It was the only way to get through it.

With only two days left in the office, it seemed as if there was more to do than could ever get done. And that didn’t include the reports and training. As I told people and word spread, there was a lot of time spent talking to people. People who told me their own history and about their family members. They shared with me some of the scariest and sad times in their past. People who offered to help. Again, more people in my path sharing hope and love and support. I had gone from the girl who couldn’t stop crying in her cubicle not even two weeks before, to a laughing with my co-workers that maybe I’d actually lose the baby weight this time around since chemo has that reputation (so far, not so good on that front, but more on that another time). I’d be lying if I said it was all fun and games. It’s cancer. People don’t all know what to say. I wouldn’t have known what to say. That’s why I didn’t tell people until I had to in almost every situation. There was awkwardness when people would talk to me as if delivering my eulogy, but here I was hearing it myself. And there were people who just smiled and said, “Good Luck”, because they knew I would need it and they didn’t know what else to say.

As I drove home from my last day in the office, my grandfather passed away. I was on the phone with my mom and she was with him and her siblings. It left me literally numb. I told That Guy when I walked in the door. I sent texts to my friends who had been checking in. I crawled in bed. I lost it.

The next few days were even crazier than anticipated. My mom tried to juggle helping me and being with me at appointments That Guy couldn’t attend while taking care of arrangements for my grandfather. Someone had to be available to watch That Little Girl. And, well, we are working people so That Guy and my dad had to show up for work once in a while and do that whole thing. I had my “teach” appointment to learn about the first group of chemotherapy drugs I would be getting. I had been enrolled the Clinical Trial and would receive a shot that would either be a steroid or a placebo each of the two days prior to the baby being born. I had to pack our hospital bags, because somehow That Girl was in denial. I was lucky enough to have lunch with one of my lifelong friends and her family. One foot in front of the other, we all made it through the week. And I even was able to finish knitting That Baby’s blanket!

A picture of the blanket prior to completion.

I tried not to think about the induction. I tried not to worry about the decisions we had been forced to make. That Baby was going to be born four weeks early. I was going to start chemo 10 days later if my body allowed. This was a balancing act of priorities. Everyone agreed that this plan was better than the initial having chemo while still pregnant and the complications that blood counts and early arrivals could result at this stage in the pregnancy. I had to put out of my mind that having That Baby was just the first major event with the potential to change That Family. I had to trust that Those Doctors involved knew what they were doing. I had to have faith that He would ensure That Baby was healthy in spite of the cancer causing her to be born before she was ready.

Finally, the night came for me to go in and start the induction process. I was sitting on the sofa trying to not think about any of these things when the phone rang. The Labor and Delivery unit was full.