That Little Girl vs. That Baby – Part 1 of Many

Between That Guy and I, one of us was raised an only child and the other not. That means one of us has never really understood the differences between the first and second time around having a baby and the other experienced it first hand. I think our situation for the last year has only really exacerbated the differences. I wouldn’t say That Baby was neglected by any means, it’s just that obviously our attention was divided by two kids to start with at this point and then there were times attention was divided between two kids and cancer.

I think this is likely the first of many instances where the second child does not get the new and exciting treatment in a way that, in the end, is not a big deal; however, we are not planning a first birthday party. I feel guilty even typing it. It wasn’t a conscious decision at first, it was just an, “Oh crap, I really need to get on that and talk with That Guy and make a plan.” that turned into, “Oh crap, guess we would have it here at this point. What if it would rain? We can’t have more than X people in case we have to be inside. Ugh, how do we do this? I’m so tired. I’ll think about it tomorrow.” that turn into a conversation with That Guy of “So yeah, let’s just not do anything. Not worth the stress.” that turned into, “We have to do something. Let’s get pizza for the grandparents and a smash cake and call it a day.” We even considered wrapping up old toys from That Little Girl. I feel like people do that, right?

I don’t even need to tell you that That Little Girl’s first birthday party was a zillion people with organized crafts, themed treats, cupcakes with personalized toppers, favors for attendees, and so on. I mean I hot glued my heinie off. And iced little owl cookies into the wee hours of the morning. There was engineering of banners to make them stop flipping and dowels in buckets to drape them in between since there wasn’t an appropriate place in the hall to do so. I can blame part of our skipping the big to-do on me and my continuing to increase my hours at work. I can attribute some of it to our reasoning, having done the whole big party the first time around, that we realized the big party was for us and the friends and family we invited, That Little Girl could not have cared less if everyone was there. I can blame a lot of it on just being tired. So very very tired. On That Little Girl’s first birthday, we took the day off and used her new wagon and did a lot of fun things with her. We have nothing planned at this point for That Baby.

Before That Baby was born, my mom had teased me that That Little Baby could not just wear all of That Little Girl’s old clothes. She insisted that we buy her some new things. Luckily we did since the seasons and sizes did not quite align. As she has grown there has been more opportunity to have her wear the clothes recycled from her big sister. Just made me wonder if that is considered another time the second baby misses out. I tend to think not since we were so willing to accept hand me downs from friends even the first time around! These kids grow out of clothes so fast sometimes! Every little bit helps.

In my case, That Baby missed out on quite a bit as a result of my breast cancer diagnosis. Breast feeding after the first ten days, time with me and That Guy (since he was with me so often), and some of the routine and scheduling mom’s often try to provide baby’s in the early days.

Hopefully, going forward, we can just do the stereotypical things differently the second time around!